mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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