How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
