Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i just sent this text using only my big toe
only you would photoshop your dick
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
