Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
