i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
