Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
