You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Randomize
