remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
