After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
