My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
