my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
