it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
