She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
