I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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