cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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