i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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