If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I wear drunk well.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
