also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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