Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You can't just leave with hair like that
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
