allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
