Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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