Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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