I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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