remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
