Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
