I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
