nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
