I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
