I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
