Can i not drive my cunt home
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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