Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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