dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
