he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
