In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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