im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
