either way he was missing a nipple.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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