capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize
