Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
