If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
