the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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