I accidentally burped into my bong.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
