winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
