Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
