it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I am naked and annoyed.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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