Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
