Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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