well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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