the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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