dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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