I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
