The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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